yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
