end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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