it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
