i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
