im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
