I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
