all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
