It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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