Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
