threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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