i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize