i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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