Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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