can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love you. Go after that dick
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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