I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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