I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
