Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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