walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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