You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
