Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
