I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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