Umm I'm too high to move.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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