He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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