We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
