How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My vagina is officially offended.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
