Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize