i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Enjoy the penises
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
