Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
