I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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