im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
this hospital has no fireball
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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