I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
