You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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