Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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