Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
