i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone came in the potted fern
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
