Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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