...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
