i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I would ride that face into the sunset
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
