I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
