Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
