Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
