I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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