I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
