I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
