I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
