A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's a naked man in my car right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
