do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
