so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
