in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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