Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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