I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
