Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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