found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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