he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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