I want to make a zoo with you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
