can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
