Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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