false alarm. still invincible.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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