It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
