you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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