she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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