i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
