I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
