he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
