He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
