YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
