Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
