we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
