I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
