I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
