Please, let me fuck your mom
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
