Barsexuality is the new black.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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