just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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